Tag: perfectionism

The Words I Speak to Myself

Poetry

The Words I Speak to Myself

“Look at you,
you filthy scum.
Disgusting.
Shameful.
Worthless.
“Who do you think you are?
Do you really think you’re worth listening to?
You’re
Untalented.
Uninteresting.
Ugly.
“Why don’t you try harder?
You’re obviously lazy,
or totally incapable
or just a complete failure.”
The words I speak to myself
are words I’d never say to anyone else
The grace and love I pour out for others
There’s not a drop left for myself.
The words I speak to myself
shape who I am
I listen to myself
and believe
But the words I speak to myself
should be like the words I speak to others
dripping with grace
soaked in understanding
drenched in love
I should say,
“Look at you,
you delightful human.
Captivating.
Pure.
Worth more than gold.
“You are a precious daughter.
worthy of the greatest attention,
Talented.
Fascinating.
Beautiful.
“You are hardworking,
Capable.
Successful.
And even when you fall,
you get back up and strive onward.
“You are worthy of love.
The greatest Lover in all of history
found you so worth having
that He died so that he could have you.
“Live in that truth.
That you are precious,
Valuable.
Treasured.
Wanted.
“Reform the words you speak to yourself
speak the truth of who you are
because the words you say to yourself
become your identity.”
Dirty Mirror

Poetry

Dirty Mirror

Vivid blue eyes
blurred by tears
stare back at me
through the dirty mirror
I see
imperfections
problems
every single flaw:
acne
weight gain
failure
shame
Just when I’m starting
to feel confident again
the mirror
the camera
the insensitive friend
reminds me
I’m not good enough
Will I ever be?
Trying
failing
working so freaking hard
to be perfect
flawless
problem-free
Why am I grasping, straining, clutching
striving after the impossible,
the unnecessary?
I’m loved
I’m treasured
without me trying
sans my effort
minus my strivings
I’m accepted
in spite of my imperfections
together with my failures
along with my problems
Accepted
when the mirror mocks me
when the shame won’t die
when failure stalks me
Accepted
because His love is constant
never changing
ever embracing
Accepted
deeper than a bottomless ocean
broader than East to West
Impossible Expectations

Poetry

Impossible Expectations

I impose
impossible expectations
on myself
but who do I think I am?
demanding flawless, perfect;
when all He wants is “try”

I know what you’re made of,
He says,
I get it, I’ve been there.
All I want is you here,
with me,
in this process,
doing your best,
trying.

It’s the journey I care about,
walking with you here and now.
Forget about the end product,
I’ve got that covered, remember?
All you need to worry about
is right now,
this moment.

Strive to love me first,
let your life flow stem
from that one spring.
Ditch your impossible expectations
and stop beating yourself up!

I love you,
you’re precious to me
and you know what?
I’m so incredibly proud of you.