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The Beggar’s Smile – A Raw Reflection on My Approach to Poverty

The Beggar’s Smile – A Raw Reflection on My Approach to Poverty

No Stone in His Hand

No Stone in His Hand

Manna Enough – Stop Living like an Orphan

Manna Enough – Stop Living like an Orphan

Piano Solo – “The Harvest” by Tom Howard

Piano Solo – “The Harvest” by Tom Howard

Early Flight

Early Flight

Face like Flint – Suffering like Jesus

Face like Flint – Suffering like Jesus

Star-Breathing God

Star-Breathing God

Prisoner of the Pit

Prisoner of the Pit

Prisoner of the Pit

Poetry

Prisoner of the Pit

By

Chained in a pit, deep and dark,
defined by existence in those depths.
Fingers raw and bleeding
trying to claw her way to freedom,
slumping at last in the miry bottom,
despair like lead settling in her veins.
Then suddenly the sun shines in
and bathes the prisoner in light,
scattering the simpering shadows,
bringing warmth and hope.
But the sun passes on
as all good things do;
the transitory warmth
never reaching the ice in her marrow.
And she’s left in the dark again,
at the bottom of the pit…
alone.
Photo credit: Stocksnap.io
Piano Solo – “Remembering Thomas” by Timothy Brown

Music

Piano Solo – “Remembering Thomas” by Timothy Brown

By

When I was younger, my piano teacher knew that I was drawn to achingly sweet, expressive, melodic songs.  She found me this piece which became one of my all time favorite songs.  Sadly, when I recorded this song over 5 years ago, we only had time to do one take and I performed it rather poorly.  However, while I certainly didn’t do this exquisite piece justice, I think you’ll understand (in spite of the wrong notes, hesitation, and mistakes) why I love it so much.  There’s such longing in this melody, an sweet yet aching yearning for what was.  But there’s joy there too; joy in remembering, but even more, a passionate refusal to forget.

“Remembering Thomas” by Timothy Brown performed by Mina

The Words I Speak to Myself

Poetry

The Words I Speak to Myself

By

“Look at you,
you filthy scum.
Disgusting.
Shameful.
Worthless.
“Who do you think you are?
Do you really think you’re worth listening to?
You’re
Untalented.
Uninteresting.
Ugly.
“Why don’t you try harder?
You’re obviously lazy,
or totally incapable
or just a complete failure.”
The words I speak to myself
are words I’d never say to anyone else
The grace and love I pour out for others
There’s not a drop left for myself.
The words I speak to myself
shape who I am
I listen to myself
and believe
But the words I speak to myself
should be like the words I speak to others
dripping with grace
soaked in understanding
drenched in love
I should say,
“Look at you,
you delightful human.
Captivating.
Pure.
Worth more than gold.
“You are a precious daughter.
worthy of the greatest attention,
Talented.
Fascinating.
Beautiful.
“You are hardworking,
Capable.
Successful.
And even when you fall,
you get back up and strive onward.
“You are worthy of love.
The greatest Lover in all of history
found you so worth having
that He died so that he could have you.
“Live in that truth.
That you are precious,
Valuable.
Treasured.
Wanted.
“Reform the words you speak to yourself
speak the truth of who you are
because the words you say to yourself
become your identity.”
Dirty Mirror

Poetry

Dirty Mirror

By

Vivid blue eyes
blurred by tears
stare back at me
through the dirty mirror
I see
imperfections
problems
every single flaw:
acne
weight gain
failure
shame
Just when I’m starting
to feel confident again
the mirror
the camera
the insensitive friend
reminds me
I’m not good enough
Will I ever be?
Trying
failing
working so freaking hard
to be perfect
flawless
problem-free
Why am I grasping, straining, clutching
striving after the impossible,
the unnecessary?
I’m loved
I’m treasured
without me trying
sans my effort
minus my strivings
I’m accepted
in spite of my imperfections
together with my failures
along with my problems
Accepted
when the mirror mocks me
when the shame won’t die
when failure stalks me
Accepted
because His love is constant
never changing
ever embracing
Accepted
deeper than a bottomless ocean
broader than East to West
Snails, Dust, and Suitcases – Musings on Moving

Poetry

Snails, Dust, and Suitcases – Musings on Moving

By

My room is eerily empty
dust gathers on the floor.
Taped up boxes filled to the brim
hauled, one-by-one, out the door
The contents of my half-packed suitcase
the nearly empty bookcase
with only a few abandoned volumes
filling up the empty space
Crumbs of this,
pieces of that
this paper a treasure,
that one trash
A thrill for the new
an ache for the old
leaving is never easy
but the house is being sold
Cobwebs in the corner-
they’ve always been there-
water heater’s broken
the snails and spiders stare
The breezeway is filthy
stains my feet black
my aircon keeps breaking
the screen door pops back
Frogs on my doorknob
coming up the drain
cockroach on my shoulder
snails appear when it rains
You could say it’s got “character”
Full of it’s own unique flaws
But it’s the place I felt at home
and certainly not without cause
Three whole years
doesn’t sound like much
but it sure adds up when
you’re living life and such
Well, we’re not going far
but it’s the end of a season
I’ll pine for the lizard’s song
but I won’t miss the sneezin’
Impossible Expectations

Poetry

Impossible Expectations

By

I impose
impossible expectations
on myself
but who do I think I am?
demanding flawless, perfect;
when all He wants is “try”

I know what you’re made of,
He says,
I get it, I’ve been there.
All I want is you here,
with me,
in this process,
doing your best,
trying.

It’s the journey I care about,
walking with you here and now.
Forget about the end product,
I’ve got that covered, remember?
All you need to worry about
is right now,
this moment.

Strive to love me first,
let your life flow stem
from that one spring.
Ditch your impossible expectations
and stop beating yourself up!

I love you,
you’re precious to me
and you know what?
I’m so incredibly proud of you.
Slow Your Breath Down

Poetry

Slow Your Breath Down

By

Breathe in.
Fill your lungs and belly.
Breathe out.
It’s sweet, nourishing water.
Breathe in.
Sink deeper.
Breathe out.
Surrender more fully.
Breathe in.
This ocean has no shores.
Breathe out.
This ocean has no bottom.
Breathe in.
You are safe and cherished here.
Breathe out.
You are delighted in here.
Breathe in.
You are treasured.
Breathe out.

You are loved.


Inspired by the Future & Forestry song after which this poem is named as well as C.S. Lewis’ book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.  As the ship drew nearer Aslan’s country the waters grew sweet, and filled their bellies… and satisfied them.

Music

Hello – A Christian Parody on the Harp

By

This parody grew from the moment I fell on my knees after far too long away and I could think of nothing else to say but, “Hello.”

And the words started pouring out to the tune… a prayer, not a break-up song. Please forgive the bad sound quality and the mistakes in the video.  Lyrics below.

Hello, it’s me.
I was wond-er-ing if after all these months you’d like to meet,
to go over everything.
Feels like the world is on my shoulders,
I got nothing left to bring
Hello, I know you hear me
I got lost in all the dreamin’ about who I’m s’posed be. I didn’t ask you, anything
I’ve forgotten that you are the God with the world down at your feet

There’s such a difference between us
it’s like a million miles.

Hello from the other side, I know you called at thousand times to tell me
you love me, and you want me back home, but when I hear you I just turn and move on.

Hello from the outside, I can’t say that I’ve even tried to tell you
I’m sorry, for breaking your heart, and it really matters
that it didn’t tear me apart. But no more.

Hello, how are you? It’s so typical of me to talk about myself
I’m sorry, I know… that you’re well, you’re Almighty God, my Holy King
Forever and the After

It’s no secret that I
am running out of time

So, hello from the other side, I need to call a thousand times to tell you
I’m sorry, for everything that I’ve done, and now that I’ve sought you, I just wanna come home

Hello from the outside, I can’t say that I’ve tried to tell you
I’m sorry, for breaking your heart, it really matters,
cause it tears me apart more and more.

Ooooohh, no more.
Ooooohh, no more.
Ooooohh, no more.
no more.

Hello from the right side, I know you’ve called a thousand times to tell me
you love me, now I’ve finally come home, and when I hear you I never wanna move on.
Hello from the right side, now I can say that I have tried to tell you
I’m thankful , for being back in your arms, and I’m really trusting,
as I seek out Your heart evermore.